Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
