Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
