its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
