If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
