You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
