you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
