bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
