we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone signed my nipple.
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