if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
