I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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