She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
