Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
