Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
