JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
