just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize