If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
