; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
