I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
