forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
