I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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