New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize