i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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