got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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