i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
