I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
