There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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