dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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