Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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