i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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