what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
