Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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