I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize