I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
