just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
