you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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