I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
