i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
