So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
