Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What a dumb baby whore.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The air taste purple.
Randomize
