now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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