OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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