I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wear drunk well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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