can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
