Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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