we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
