She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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