So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
