Soap is not a condiment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
