I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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