I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
