The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
