Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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