Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
