Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
