I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
