last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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