Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
