we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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