would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
