i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
