i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize