Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
