I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
now i know why i became what i already was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
