i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
