I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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