Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
