yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Buhtt sex?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
