I'm really into asian looking animals
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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