You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
