I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
