And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
