god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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