woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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