she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
