I wish I only lived at night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I forget how to act sober
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
