just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
