For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my poor anus
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
