when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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