Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
