Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
