"it" just moved
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
