I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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