Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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