hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
