Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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