I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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