He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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