Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
