Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
