cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
