dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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