Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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