I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
