Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
