that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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