i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
