Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
