you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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