I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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