I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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