my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
