We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize