she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
