theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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