Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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