I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
