I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize