so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
