What did we do last night that was yellow?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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