everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
