the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
