we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
