But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize