cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
