Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
