I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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