I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
