Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
